Logan/Sofie AIM Threads
Nov. 30th, 2011 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madeofbamfGivemeEVOLemeviG: (12:48:11 AM) [She doesn't notice that he lets go first, too busy following right after him, head thrown back, short nails scraping at his stomach. Eventually, she does stop shaking and whispering his name over and over, laying against him, arms curled up underneath his shoulders. She's exhausted now, barely able to keep her eyes open. Which is probably why neither of them notice that the condom drips just a little when Logan goes to throw it away.]
[It's 3 weeks before she notices anything at all. Her period was supposed to come 3 days after their…escapade. But she was working on weight training for football and some gymnastics stuff and didn't really notice that she was a few days, then a week late. At two weeks, though, she starts to notice and at 3 weeks her Mom is having cheese and broccoli soup. And Sofie's always hated the smell, but when it sends her bolting into her bathroom to dry heave from down stairs, she panics. The next day, she convinces Stef to skip 3rd period with her and gets 5 positive pregnancy test results in the gas station bathroom. She doesn't go back to school after that and shuts her phone off. But Logan's schedule is meticulous down until the minute. So after wandering aimlessly around the city for the rest of the day, she knocks on Logan's door once she's sure he's home.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:01:06 AM) [Logan shouts to his mom that he's got the door and goes to answer it, smiling when he sees who it is.] Well, hey, stranger. Where were you today? Sick? [His short hair is still damp from the showers after hockey practice, because he's never cared about drying it or combing it or anything. But at least he smells good and not like hockey. Which is possibly one of the worst smells of all time. He's got a bowl of cereal in one hand and spoons a bite into his mouth as he steps aside to invite Sofie inside.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:03:10 AM) We need to talk. [Her voice is hoarse from crying and she's glad that his mother isn't nearby where she can see her face. Her eyes aren't red anymore but she's still looking a little puffy.] Can we go upstairs?
Logan Mitchell: (1:08:41 AM) [Logan frowns immediately as she comes inside, closer, and he can see the obvious signs of tears. He glances toward the kitchen to see if his mom has noticed them, and seeing she hasn't, he nods to Sofie, starting up the stairs, cereal bowl still in hand.] Mom, we'll be upstairs, holler if you need me. [Then he gestures for Sofie to follow, continuing quieter.] What's wrong? Are you sick?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:10:15 AM) Not sick. At least not yet. Give me a week or two. [She says softly. Once they're in his room, she says,] I'm sure it'll be horrible, if my Mom's morning sickness is anything to go by...
Logan Mitchell: (1:14:12 AM) [Logan frowns, because he doesn't follow. He's smart, yes, but he's pretty sure there's a good reason he doesn't know what Sofie is talking about. He's missing something somewhere. He sits on the edge of the bed, putting another spoonful of Marshmallow Mateys in his mouth with his eyebrows drawn together, looking befuddled.] I'm... not following... Why are you planning on getting sick?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:16:41 AM) Well that's what typically happens when you're pregnant. [Even now she can't bring herself to be any less sarcastic or blunt and biting.] You barf. All the time. Just a matter of waiting for it to start at this point…
Logan Mitchell: (1:23:23 AM) [Logan chokes. Actually, literally chokes on his cereal. He drops his bowl on the floor and he's coughing hard and violent, forcing little cereal pieces out of his throat until he's gasping for the right to breathe again. When there's air in his lungs once more, Logan gapes at Sofie, paying no attention to the cereal spilled across his carpet. He coughs and sputters for a few more seconds before finding some words.] What? Preg--how?! [No, that's stupid... he knows how girls become pregnant. There's a different word he meant. He pauses, wondering if he even wants to say it.] ...who?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:25:47 AM) [His choking makes her panic and she kneels on the bed behind him, patting at his back. It'll do no good if her baby's father chokes to death on some cereal that's actually probably really bad for him. She's just shy of something sarcastic when he says who. The next pat to his back may be a little (read: really) hard.] Logan. [That's just great. That's wonderful. She's pregnant and scared and apparently her boyfriend thinks Puckerman is synonymous with whore just like the rest of this bullshit town. Nice to know that this is how she's finding out.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:43:45 AM) [He can't help turning fast around to face her, frowning, and his voice is sharp.] What?! Sofie, we use condoms every single time! We're safe! It's a legitimate question! [He stands up, but he doesn't know where he's going, so he throws himself back down on the bed, leaning forward on his knees, his face in his hands. He doesn't think Sofie's a whore. He's got nothing but respect for her. He just doesn't know what else to think. There's no way his first thought would be of a broken condom. All his first thoughts are of situations where it isn't Sofie's fault. Horrible situations... Terrible things that make Logan want to punch a wall. He feels a lump in his throat, but swallows it, keeping his head in his hands when he speaks again.] Sofie, what happened? Did someone... [He looks at her now, fear in his eyes, because he can't say it. He didn't mean "who did you cheat on me with?" He would never expect that of Sofie, he knows they have something better than that. But he hasn't even considered the fact this is his fault. He's been so careful. The only possibilities are things so horrible, Logan can't say even something as suggestive as "violate."]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:47:06 AM) No. [She shakes her head, scooting closer so that their knees touch.] There's never been anyone else. And I don't know how either, not really, but…condoms break. It's not unheard of. [She reaches up, carding her fingers through the hair on the back of his head, leaning her forehead against his and closing her eyes.] I'm so sorry. I know we were careful, I-…fuck. I'm so so sorry...
Logan Mitchell: (1:57:52 AM) [Logan chokes again, but this time it's on a sob, and he doesn't even have the focus to worry that he's being such a girl right now, feeling his eyes well up. This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare where Sofie delivers to him a letter telling him his life is coming to an end this very moment and his future is shot. Everything he's ever worked for, years of study and working, his whole entire life, so much goddamn work... His hand shakes violently as he touches Sofie's face, pulling away slightly and shaking his head.] No... no. No, no, no. Tests--tests are wrong, all the time, maybe you didn't wait long enough or you had a bad test, you have to get the really expensive ones, they make you pay so much for a reason, it's the quality, you've got to pay a lot of money for an accurate result. [He's rambling, fast and panicked, his voice thick and changing pitches rapidly as he reaches into his back pocket and takes out his wallet. He's having trouble getting the money out, his hands are shaking so bad, but he manages to get out twenty after twenty after twenty, along with a few tens, a five, too many ones, everything in his wallet, he's even shaking out change.] I don't care how much it is, you have to get the best one.
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:01:24 AM) [And fuck, Logan's crying and Sofie was sure she couldn't cry anymore but now she's crying again because she knows. He's been working so hard, since before they even met and he has this amazing future and a drawer full of acceptance letters from colleges in cities Sofie's only ever really dreamed of seeing and he's fucking brilliant and Sofie's just going to go to OSU and probably come back to Lima and work at Burt's for the rest of her life and it's like she can literally see herself yanking the rug out from under Logan and she hates it. She's shaking her head, sobbing, repeating I'm sorry while he just panics.] I took 5 different kinds, every kind I could buy and I'm 3 weeks late...
Logan Mitchell: (2:12:30 AM) No... [Logan's voice dies and he dips his head, putting a hand over his eyes helplessly. He thinks he's entirely justified in crying right now. And boy is he crying... It's shock and more fear than he's ever felt and it all comes out in the streams of tears down his face, the raggedness of his breathing, the way his hands won't stop goddamn shaking. He shakes his head, refusing to look back up, squeezing his eyes shut because suddenly everything hurts from his chest outward. Like his heart's been ripped out.] This... this can't be real, this isn't real... It's a mistake or--or I'm going to wake up or something... Or James roped you in to getting back at him for breaking his stick last week and he's decided to be really, really cruel... [Logan would prefer that. Please. If it turned out to be a hoax, he would probably actually hug James out of gratitude. But he cant accept this. He can't. This isn't real.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:16:06 AM) [Sofie reaches over the side of her bed where she dumped her back pack and starts to pull out box after box of pregnancy test until all 5 of the opened packages are on the bed.] They're all in there. [She whispers.] Every single one. Smiley faces and pink lines and plus signs and all. One even says 'pregnant'. [You're breaking her heart here, Logan and she knows that it's not entirely her fault. That it took both of you. But the guilt is making her sick to her stomach. If she'd eaten lunch today, she'd be trying to keep from barfing. As it is, she can feel the dry heaves threatening.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:29:01 AM) [Logan forces himself to look at the boxes. Smiley faces... those manufacturers are sadistic. He doesn't want to look at them, though. He thinks he might lose his own stomach's contents if he actually looks at the proof. Instead, he just pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He's a seventeen-year-old boy and he knows he's crying and holding himself like a child, but he's never felt younger and more unprepared in his life. He's never wanted more to be held and told everything would right itself, and he even considers his cell phone in his pocket and wonders how fast Kendall could come fix everything. Logan always turns to Kendall to fix everything... he always has. But Kendall can't fix this. Kendall can't even know about this, not yet. Logan takes a long, shuddering breath, wiping at his eyes uselessly with his hand; uselessly because the onslaught of tears has yet to actually end. In the next second, however, he lets go of his hold on himself, quickly pushing all his money, wallet, all the pregnancy test boxes onto the floor and closes the space between him and Sofie, flinging his arms around her neck and pulling her close without words.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:32:52 AM) [She didn't know how much she needed him to hold her until he was moving forward and his arms were around her and she's glad they closed the door because the sob she lets out would send his mother bolting up the stairs without a doubt. She's back to the "I'm sorry"s, hands fisted in the back of his t-shirt as she cries. Sofie's not really a crier. It's just never been her thing. But the past couple months has had her sobbing twice. These painful, heaving, open mouthed sobs of fear and anguish and right now all she can do is cling to Logan and cry.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:47:52 AM) [Logan's never held tighter to another person in his life, like at any moment fate might rip Sofie from him same as it's ripping at his future. All he can think is "Why?" Why is this happening to him? Why Sofie? Why them and why now? Why not seven years down the road, when he's planned for this to happen, when he'll have a decent job as a resident, not making much, but just enough, and they'd be married and happy and that cute little Norman Rockwell family Logan's imagined himself in since he was five. Why not then? He sobs into Sofie's shoulder, gripped with the most real fear he's ever felt. This isn't fair. They're only kids. It feels like an eternity before he can actually calm himself at least to sniffles in order to speak.] We... we're going to... figure something out. God, I... God, Sofie... I'm so sorry... We're going to fix this, we're going to figure it out…
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:51:05 AM) [She's nodding, agreeing. Because Logan is smart and he's a good kid and if anyone can help her figure it out, it's him. They're going to be okay and she only knows this because believing it is the only thing keeping her sane. Because in her mind, whether she knew it before this, there was never not going to be Logan. No matter what, no matter where he went to school, they would be together because they're 17 and idealistic like that even if it is, technically, kind of stupid. Except it's worked for everyone else Sofie loves, all the examples of successful relationships stemmed from high school so why should' she believe that? So she believes in them, believes they'll be okay. Believes they'll figure something out, that they'll-wait.] Fix? What do you mean by fix?
Logan Mitchell: (2:59:32 AM) [Logan frown against Sofie's shoulder, still holding onto her. Because what else could fix mean?] I mean we have a problem and there will be a solution. I mean--[He realizes how she might interpret his statement and feels like an idiot all of a sudden, pulling away from her just slightly, enough to shake his head and squeeze his eyes shut.] I don't mean--not abortion, I don't mean that... This was--our fault and we have to own it... All I mean is that we have options, we'll figure out a way to fix everything... eventually.
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (3:01:30 AM) …Options. [She repeats.] What are you thinking? [Why does hearing the answer to that question still scare her? He's already ruled out abortion, and he would never consider adoption, not after her family's history with that…right?]
Logan Mitchell: (3:10:50 AM) [Logan frowns, squinting through tears that won't seem to stop now.] Sofie, what are /you/ thinking? We can't raise a baby... /We're/ just children! [Of course he knows Sofie's family, but he can't help it. He pauses a moment, debating with himself, and he has to look away.] Sofe, not all adoptions turn out so bad... There are so many good couples out there who need a child, who would give anything to have a baby and be parents... people who are actually ready to be parents...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (3:14:39 AM) [She knows he's right. Objectively. But the funny thing is that Sofie's never not wanted this baby. Even standing in the gas station bathroom, looking at 5 sticks that all said the same thing and wanting to make them explode with her mind, not keeping this baby was never an option. She didn't even consider it until after Stef went back to school, until she had to force herself to consider all of the options, how she would feel about them. And maybe it is stupid. Maybe she's being ridiculous but she wants this baby. And maybe it was even more stupid but she…kind of thought Logan would too. They'll have graduated high school by the time it comes and plenty of people manage school and parenting and-hey. It's never been said that Sofie didn't want what she wants regardless of how much sense it makes.] I want this baby, Logan.
Logan Mitchell: (3:23:32 AM) [Logan just stares at Sofie, his hands falling away from her. He very nearly pulls his knees back up to his chest again, because Logan suddenly feels extremely alone. And he knows it's not remotely true, but it's like Sofie is actually trying to ruin his future. He has so much... He shakes his head slowly, even more fear pervading his whole being the longer he looks at her.] You... what do you mean? Sofie, we can't... we can't raise a baby... They're... We're way too young for that... Sofie... [He says her name almost like he's afraid of her all of a sudden.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (3:25:51 AM) [Sofie's not exactly feeling surrounded by friends either right now. Alone doesn't even begin to describe the feeling of being pregnant and then being told that you're supposed to just hand your baby off to someone else, good person or no.] I can't do it, Logan. You're asking me to devote 10 months of my life to this baby and then give it away. You're asking me to love this-our-baby for almost a year and then never see them again!
Logan Mitchell: (3:35:21 AM) But you could! You could see her--him... [Logan shakes his head, one hand going to grasp at his own hair.] It. There are things you can work out to still have contact with the baby, but let someone raise it who actually is capable and--[He stops himself with a pathetic noise and drops his head forward. He's never felt this hopeless.] We--we don't have to talk about this yet... there's other things that we... oh, God, we have to tell our parents and... Christ...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (3:37:21 AM) Do you know how much worse that is? Having to give them up over and over again? I can't, Logan, I can't-…I can't do something I know I'm going to regret for the rest of my life. I've spent all day trying to at least…at least think about it but I can't and-…fuck. I can't. [Parents are the furthest thing from her mind right now.] Yes, we do have to figure this out right now. We do. Don't you think our parents are going to know what we have planned when we tell them?
Logan Mitchell: (1:16:48 AM) Well, I don't know! [Logan's voice squeeks and he gets back to his feet, feeling overwhelmed again. He pulls on his hair and begins pacing, a skill he picked up from Kendall and he hopes maybe the action has some sort of magical powered indued in it that helps Kendall always come up with the answer the way he does.] I--I--I just--you can't expect me to come up with everything right now! This is so sudden, and I just--I need time to think, because I don't know what's going on or what's going to happen and--a-and I need time to think about this sort of thing! [As if Logan thinking about things has ever helped anyone ever.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:17:47 AM) That's fine. [She starts to gather the tests again, stuffing them in her bag.] You think. Do all the thinking you want. But I've told you what I want to do...
Logan Mitchell: (1:18:23 AM) [Logan stops, staring at her.] You--you aren't leaving, are you?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:18:56 AM) I thought you wanted time to think. [She drops the bag again, but stays where she's slid to the edge of the bed.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:21:43 AM) Well, I do, but... [He looks at her hopelessly, dropping his arms to his sides.] ...Sofie, what makes you think that we're even remotely capable of having a baby? That I'm... [capable of saying right here and now that he'll give up his whole future? Of course he needs time to think. It's not an easy decision, and Logan's never been good at making decisions anyway.] That I'm capable of being a--a dad? [The word comes like a whispered curse, making Logan swallow back another lump.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:25:04 AM) Well the fact that I'm knocked up right now speaks volumes of our capability. [She bites back, folding her arms.] No one is ever ready. Even parents who plan-…no one is ever ready. [Her Mom is pregnant with number 5 and even though she's pretty much got it down to a science now, she can still tell that sometimes her Mom is freaking out, though that may just be hormones.] I think you'd be a good Dad, Logan. You're probably way more equipped to be a parent than I am, actually...
Logan Mitchell: (1:27:50 AM) [He looks away, frowning. He's got to keep his voice down, because the first time he lets it get too high and loud--as he's prone to do when he's panicking--Logan knows his mom is going to be right up the stairs at his bedroom door.] I just... I don't see how I can be a... a parent [That word is weirdly easier to say than "dad," he finds.] and go to school, too...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:28:44 AM) People do it all the time…that's what daycare, online, night classes are for… [She's looking at her hands now, avoiding his eyes as well.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:32:41 AM) Yeah, because we can afford daycare. And it's a little looked down upon to get your doctorate in medicine online these days. Sofie, I could go to Harvard. Stanford, John Hopkins. I've been working since fourth grade for it and now I have my pick. And you expect me to decide right here and now not to pick any of them? That... I'm sorry, that isn't fair... [He wants to go back to his bed, to lay facedown in the pillow and smother himself. But he sits at his desk instead, his shoulders slumped forward as he examines his fingernails.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:34:26 AM) I'm not asking you to choose anything. I never said you had to choose anything, you're the one who brought up choices and telling our parents and what we were going to do. Go to Harvard! Go to Stanford! Go to John Hopkins, I never once told you that you couldn't!
Logan Mitchell: (1:39:12 AM) [And he's on his feet again, gesturing with his hands for the noise level to quiet with a fertive glance towards his door.] And what's going to happen if you have a baby and I leave for school in California? Then what happens? What happens to... to us?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:40:04 AM) What's going to happen if I have a baby or what's going to happen if I keep a baby? [She whispers, turning to look at him now.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:41:03 AM) [He meets her gaze, but has to look away after a second, dropping back down into his desk chair.] If you keep it... you and I both know you're having it...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:43:51 AM) You could-…it would be hard but we..we could do it, right? I'm not-…fuck. Logan. I can't make you choose. I would never ask you to choose. But you-…you have to offer me the same courtesy.
Logan Mitchell: (1:46:51 AM) [He huffs a humorless laugh, the prospect of leaving to another state to attend an ivy league school and still helping to raise a child seeming utterly ridiculous. He isn't willing to consider the reasons why, but he really doesn't think that would work, nor is he willing to try and think it out. He should, he knows... but a part of his stomach screams at him in fear not to.] Well, what's your plan, then, Sofie? After the day you've given yourself to come up with one. What do you think you're going to do?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:51:04 AM) Look, don't turn into an asshole. That's the last thing either of us needs right now. [She folds her arms.] I'm gonna defer my admission to OSU until next year. Stef's grandfather already said I could work full time during the summer, and I already do part time during the year, so if I work books through the pregnancy, that and part time should get me enough money to send the baby to my Mom's daycare once they're old enough…I won't be able to work for 3 months, but I think I'll be okay…next year, once I'm settled, I'll do online alternatives for my classes.
Logan Mitchell: (1:53:34 AM) All the while raising a child. Possibly [probably] while I'm in another state. [He leans forward on his knees, putting his forehead in his hands.] This is crazy... this is not happening... [He's trying not to slip back into denial, but he can't help it. That's what happens when your world crashes around you.] ...when are you telling your parents?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:54:19 AM) I don't know. [She shrugs.] Soon. I'll probably need to borrow my Mom's OB...
Logan Mitchell: (1:55:44 AM) Christ... [Logan breathes, shaking his head in his hands.] Bills... We haven't even talked about cost... [He has a lot of money saved for college--like he said, since the fourth grade--but... well, tuition at Harvard is well over 45k.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:57:45 AM) I'm still on my parents' insurance. It won't drop me until I'm…26, I believe. It won't cover the cost of the birth, of course, but…like I said. Working through the pregnancy.
Logan Mitchell: (1:59:43 AM) [He sits up.] Still, though. You think I'll let you pay for that entirely on your own? You think you can? I'd... be, like, the worst boyfriend in the entire world... Babies are expensive...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:01:01 AM) Seeing as how you haven't made your decision yet, yes, I'm planning to pay for it on my own. [She keeps her back to him, eyes on her lap.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:02:01 AM) ...I... don't know what to tell you, Sofe... I can't... not go to school... I just can't...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:02:16 AM) [She nods.] So then go to school.
Logan Mitchell: (2:02:51 AM) [He forces himself to keep looking at her.] And... us?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:04:23 AM) I'm not going to force you to be a father. It won't do any of us any good. I can't ask you to commit yourself to something you don't want. [Her knuckles are turning white, she's fisting her hands so hard.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:07:36 AM) It's not that I don't want it, it's that--[He flounders for a second, then wraps his arms around his stomach, because he feels ill now.] I can't want it... I can't, because it--it ruins everything if I do... [He pauses, and he sort of hates himself right now, but he knows he can't not go to a good school. He has to be a doctor. He has to. Nothing else in the world has ever been as important to him.] I want to help you, though...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:10:56 AM) Don't bother. [She grabs her bag, standing.] We'll be fine. [She still won't look at him, though the way her jaw is twitching makes it obvious that she's trying not to cry.] No use in making you care for a kid you don't-…can't-…same difference. Whatever. There's no point. You-…have fun in California or Massachussetts or whatever and I'll-…be here. Later. [She shoulders her bag, walking past him to the door.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:13:06 AM) Sofie, wait! Please! [He makes a grab for her hand, because he's going to hate himself when he lets her leave like this, when all he's gotten to do is prove himself as an ass and a coward. He just has so much to figure out and he can't possibly do it one evening, so he doesn't understand how Sofie can just decide to write him off in that same amount of time.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:15:10 AM) [She's not writing him off. Well. She is. But as of 10 hours ago, she was no longer her first priority. Logan was no longer her first priority. 10 hours ago, the peanut sized ball of cells taking up residence in her uterus became her priority and even though walking away from Logan hurts like nothing else, her child having a father that's not fully invested, that's only there because he feels obligated or is forced to be, isn't what's best for them.] What, Logan?
Logan Mitchell: (2:20:12 AM) [He looks helpless, like he might start crying again, but he doesn't want to, because he knows Sofie won't. It was rare enough that she was crying earlier, he doesn't expect her to cry for him. He opens his mouth, and he knows if he says what he wants to, he really will cry, so he says something else instead.] Let--let me drive you home. [He immediately regrets it and shuts his eyes, because he should have said what he actually meant--"I love you." He hates himself right now. So. Much.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:23:22 AM) [It's okay, Logan. She knows what you meant. But that doesn't make it any better.] It's not about us anymore. [She says softly. The "I love you too" is implied, but she still means exactly what she says. Because as much as she loves Logan, as much as he loves her, it's not about them anymore. Whether he doesn't want this or isn't letting himself want it, at the end of the day…he doesn't want it. And the last thing Sofie needs, the last thing this baby needs, is a father that will grow to resent them or someone who's only half-there…] I need the air. I'll be fine. [She opens the door then, descending the stairs slowly to make sure his mother isn't there and walking out the front door when she discovers that the living room is empty.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:27:35 AM) [Logan only follows her to the stairs, to ensure there's no interception from his mother. He's more than grateful to see her get out of the house safely without any parent interraction, but it hurts so much to see her go. Once she's gone, he goes back to his room, allowing himself to break again. He's sure to calm himself at least a little before he calls Kendall (although it doesn't matter, considering he begins sobbing again once he hears his friend's voice) and that night is spent in James' basement with his best friends and a lot of talking.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:29:03 AM) [Sofie sends Stef a simple text. He knows. We broke up. Then turns her phone off and shuts herself in her room. When her parents call for dinner, she tells them that she's got a headache and locks her bedroom door. She doesn't go to school the next day either.]
[It's 3 weeks before she notices anything at all. Her period was supposed to come 3 days after their…escapade. But she was working on weight training for football and some gymnastics stuff and didn't really notice that she was a few days, then a week late. At two weeks, though, she starts to notice and at 3 weeks her Mom is having cheese and broccoli soup. And Sofie's always hated the smell, but when it sends her bolting into her bathroom to dry heave from down stairs, she panics. The next day, she convinces Stef to skip 3rd period with her and gets 5 positive pregnancy test results in the gas station bathroom. She doesn't go back to school after that and shuts her phone off. But Logan's schedule is meticulous down until the minute. So after wandering aimlessly around the city for the rest of the day, she knocks on Logan's door once she's sure he's home.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:01:06 AM) [Logan shouts to his mom that he's got the door and goes to answer it, smiling when he sees who it is.] Well, hey, stranger. Where were you today? Sick? [His short hair is still damp from the showers after hockey practice, because he's never cared about drying it or combing it or anything. But at least he smells good and not like hockey. Which is possibly one of the worst smells of all time. He's got a bowl of cereal in one hand and spoons a bite into his mouth as he steps aside to invite Sofie inside.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:03:10 AM) We need to talk. [Her voice is hoarse from crying and she's glad that his mother isn't nearby where she can see her face. Her eyes aren't red anymore but she's still looking a little puffy.] Can we go upstairs?
Logan Mitchell: (1:08:41 AM) [Logan frowns immediately as she comes inside, closer, and he can see the obvious signs of tears. He glances toward the kitchen to see if his mom has noticed them, and seeing she hasn't, he nods to Sofie, starting up the stairs, cereal bowl still in hand.] Mom, we'll be upstairs, holler if you need me. [Then he gestures for Sofie to follow, continuing quieter.] What's wrong? Are you sick?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:10:15 AM) Not sick. At least not yet. Give me a week or two. [She says softly. Once they're in his room, she says,] I'm sure it'll be horrible, if my Mom's morning sickness is anything to go by...
Logan Mitchell: (1:14:12 AM) [Logan frowns, because he doesn't follow. He's smart, yes, but he's pretty sure there's a good reason he doesn't know what Sofie is talking about. He's missing something somewhere. He sits on the edge of the bed, putting another spoonful of Marshmallow Mateys in his mouth with his eyebrows drawn together, looking befuddled.] I'm... not following... Why are you planning on getting sick?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:16:41 AM) Well that's what typically happens when you're pregnant. [Even now she can't bring herself to be any less sarcastic or blunt and biting.] You barf. All the time. Just a matter of waiting for it to start at this point…
Logan Mitchell: (1:23:23 AM) [Logan chokes. Actually, literally chokes on his cereal. He drops his bowl on the floor and he's coughing hard and violent, forcing little cereal pieces out of his throat until he's gasping for the right to breathe again. When there's air in his lungs once more, Logan gapes at Sofie, paying no attention to the cereal spilled across his carpet. He coughs and sputters for a few more seconds before finding some words.] What? Preg--how?! [No, that's stupid... he knows how girls become pregnant. There's a different word he meant. He pauses, wondering if he even wants to say it.] ...who?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:25:47 AM) [His choking makes her panic and she kneels on the bed behind him, patting at his back. It'll do no good if her baby's father chokes to death on some cereal that's actually probably really bad for him. She's just shy of something sarcastic when he says who. The next pat to his back may be a little (read: really) hard.] Logan. [That's just great. That's wonderful. She's pregnant and scared and apparently her boyfriend thinks Puckerman is synonymous with whore just like the rest of this bullshit town. Nice to know that this is how she's finding out.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:43:45 AM) [He can't help turning fast around to face her, frowning, and his voice is sharp.] What?! Sofie, we use condoms every single time! We're safe! It's a legitimate question! [He stands up, but he doesn't know where he's going, so he throws himself back down on the bed, leaning forward on his knees, his face in his hands. He doesn't think Sofie's a whore. He's got nothing but respect for her. He just doesn't know what else to think. There's no way his first thought would be of a broken condom. All his first thoughts are of situations where it isn't Sofie's fault. Horrible situations... Terrible things that make Logan want to punch a wall. He feels a lump in his throat, but swallows it, keeping his head in his hands when he speaks again.] Sofie, what happened? Did someone... [He looks at her now, fear in his eyes, because he can't say it. He didn't mean "who did you cheat on me with?" He would never expect that of Sofie, he knows they have something better than that. But he hasn't even considered the fact this is his fault. He's been so careful. The only possibilities are things so horrible, Logan can't say even something as suggestive as "violate."]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:47:06 AM) No. [She shakes her head, scooting closer so that their knees touch.] There's never been anyone else. And I don't know how either, not really, but…condoms break. It's not unheard of. [She reaches up, carding her fingers through the hair on the back of his head, leaning her forehead against his and closing her eyes.] I'm so sorry. I know we were careful, I-…fuck. I'm so so sorry...
Logan Mitchell: (1:57:52 AM) [Logan chokes again, but this time it's on a sob, and he doesn't even have the focus to worry that he's being such a girl right now, feeling his eyes well up. This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare where Sofie delivers to him a letter telling him his life is coming to an end this very moment and his future is shot. Everything he's ever worked for, years of study and working, his whole entire life, so much goddamn work... His hand shakes violently as he touches Sofie's face, pulling away slightly and shaking his head.] No... no. No, no, no. Tests--tests are wrong, all the time, maybe you didn't wait long enough or you had a bad test, you have to get the really expensive ones, they make you pay so much for a reason, it's the quality, you've got to pay a lot of money for an accurate result. [He's rambling, fast and panicked, his voice thick and changing pitches rapidly as he reaches into his back pocket and takes out his wallet. He's having trouble getting the money out, his hands are shaking so bad, but he manages to get out twenty after twenty after twenty, along with a few tens, a five, too many ones, everything in his wallet, he's even shaking out change.] I don't care how much it is, you have to get the best one.
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:01:24 AM) [And fuck, Logan's crying and Sofie was sure she couldn't cry anymore but now she's crying again because she knows. He's been working so hard, since before they even met and he has this amazing future and a drawer full of acceptance letters from colleges in cities Sofie's only ever really dreamed of seeing and he's fucking brilliant and Sofie's just going to go to OSU and probably come back to Lima and work at Burt's for the rest of her life and it's like she can literally see herself yanking the rug out from under Logan and she hates it. She's shaking her head, sobbing, repeating I'm sorry while he just panics.] I took 5 different kinds, every kind I could buy and I'm 3 weeks late...
Logan Mitchell: (2:12:30 AM) No... [Logan's voice dies and he dips his head, putting a hand over his eyes helplessly. He thinks he's entirely justified in crying right now. And boy is he crying... It's shock and more fear than he's ever felt and it all comes out in the streams of tears down his face, the raggedness of his breathing, the way his hands won't stop goddamn shaking. He shakes his head, refusing to look back up, squeezing his eyes shut because suddenly everything hurts from his chest outward. Like his heart's been ripped out.] This... this can't be real, this isn't real... It's a mistake or--or I'm going to wake up or something... Or James roped you in to getting back at him for breaking his stick last week and he's decided to be really, really cruel... [Logan would prefer that. Please. If it turned out to be a hoax, he would probably actually hug James out of gratitude. But he cant accept this. He can't. This isn't real.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:16:06 AM) [Sofie reaches over the side of her bed where she dumped her back pack and starts to pull out box after box of pregnancy test until all 5 of the opened packages are on the bed.] They're all in there. [She whispers.] Every single one. Smiley faces and pink lines and plus signs and all. One even says 'pregnant'. [You're breaking her heart here, Logan and she knows that it's not entirely her fault. That it took both of you. But the guilt is making her sick to her stomach. If she'd eaten lunch today, she'd be trying to keep from barfing. As it is, she can feel the dry heaves threatening.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:29:01 AM) [Logan forces himself to look at the boxes. Smiley faces... those manufacturers are sadistic. He doesn't want to look at them, though. He thinks he might lose his own stomach's contents if he actually looks at the proof. Instead, he just pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He's a seventeen-year-old boy and he knows he's crying and holding himself like a child, but he's never felt younger and more unprepared in his life. He's never wanted more to be held and told everything would right itself, and he even considers his cell phone in his pocket and wonders how fast Kendall could come fix everything. Logan always turns to Kendall to fix everything... he always has. But Kendall can't fix this. Kendall can't even know about this, not yet. Logan takes a long, shuddering breath, wiping at his eyes uselessly with his hand; uselessly because the onslaught of tears has yet to actually end. In the next second, however, he lets go of his hold on himself, quickly pushing all his money, wallet, all the pregnancy test boxes onto the floor and closes the space between him and Sofie, flinging his arms around her neck and pulling her close without words.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:32:52 AM) [She didn't know how much she needed him to hold her until he was moving forward and his arms were around her and she's glad they closed the door because the sob she lets out would send his mother bolting up the stairs without a doubt. She's back to the "I'm sorry"s, hands fisted in the back of his t-shirt as she cries. Sofie's not really a crier. It's just never been her thing. But the past couple months has had her sobbing twice. These painful, heaving, open mouthed sobs of fear and anguish and right now all she can do is cling to Logan and cry.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:47:52 AM) [Logan's never held tighter to another person in his life, like at any moment fate might rip Sofie from him same as it's ripping at his future. All he can think is "Why?" Why is this happening to him? Why Sofie? Why them and why now? Why not seven years down the road, when he's planned for this to happen, when he'll have a decent job as a resident, not making much, but just enough, and they'd be married and happy and that cute little Norman Rockwell family Logan's imagined himself in since he was five. Why not then? He sobs into Sofie's shoulder, gripped with the most real fear he's ever felt. This isn't fair. They're only kids. It feels like an eternity before he can actually calm himself at least to sniffles in order to speak.] We... we're going to... figure something out. God, I... God, Sofie... I'm so sorry... We're going to fix this, we're going to figure it out…
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:51:05 AM) [She's nodding, agreeing. Because Logan is smart and he's a good kid and if anyone can help her figure it out, it's him. They're going to be okay and she only knows this because believing it is the only thing keeping her sane. Because in her mind, whether she knew it before this, there was never not going to be Logan. No matter what, no matter where he went to school, they would be together because they're 17 and idealistic like that even if it is, technically, kind of stupid. Except it's worked for everyone else Sofie loves, all the examples of successful relationships stemmed from high school so why should' she believe that? So she believes in them, believes they'll be okay. Believes they'll figure something out, that they'll-wait.] Fix? What do you mean by fix?
Logan Mitchell: (2:59:32 AM) [Logan frown against Sofie's shoulder, still holding onto her. Because what else could fix mean?] I mean we have a problem and there will be a solution. I mean--[He realizes how she might interpret his statement and feels like an idiot all of a sudden, pulling away from her just slightly, enough to shake his head and squeeze his eyes shut.] I don't mean--not abortion, I don't mean that... This was--our fault and we have to own it... All I mean is that we have options, we'll figure out a way to fix everything... eventually.
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (3:01:30 AM) …Options. [She repeats.] What are you thinking? [Why does hearing the answer to that question still scare her? He's already ruled out abortion, and he would never consider adoption, not after her family's history with that…right?]
Logan Mitchell: (3:10:50 AM) [Logan frowns, squinting through tears that won't seem to stop now.] Sofie, what are /you/ thinking? We can't raise a baby... /We're/ just children! [Of course he knows Sofie's family, but he can't help it. He pauses a moment, debating with himself, and he has to look away.] Sofe, not all adoptions turn out so bad... There are so many good couples out there who need a child, who would give anything to have a baby and be parents... people who are actually ready to be parents...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (3:14:39 AM) [She knows he's right. Objectively. But the funny thing is that Sofie's never not wanted this baby. Even standing in the gas station bathroom, looking at 5 sticks that all said the same thing and wanting to make them explode with her mind, not keeping this baby was never an option. She didn't even consider it until after Stef went back to school, until she had to force herself to consider all of the options, how she would feel about them. And maybe it is stupid. Maybe she's being ridiculous but she wants this baby. And maybe it was even more stupid but she…kind of thought Logan would too. They'll have graduated high school by the time it comes and plenty of people manage school and parenting and-hey. It's never been said that Sofie didn't want what she wants regardless of how much sense it makes.] I want this baby, Logan.
Logan Mitchell: (3:23:32 AM) [Logan just stares at Sofie, his hands falling away from her. He very nearly pulls his knees back up to his chest again, because Logan suddenly feels extremely alone. And he knows it's not remotely true, but it's like Sofie is actually trying to ruin his future. He has so much... He shakes his head slowly, even more fear pervading his whole being the longer he looks at her.] You... what do you mean? Sofie, we can't... we can't raise a baby... They're... We're way too young for that... Sofie... [He says her name almost like he's afraid of her all of a sudden.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (3:25:51 AM) [Sofie's not exactly feeling surrounded by friends either right now. Alone doesn't even begin to describe the feeling of being pregnant and then being told that you're supposed to just hand your baby off to someone else, good person or no.] I can't do it, Logan. You're asking me to devote 10 months of my life to this baby and then give it away. You're asking me to love this-our-baby for almost a year and then never see them again!
Logan Mitchell: (3:35:21 AM) But you could! You could see her--him... [Logan shakes his head, one hand going to grasp at his own hair.] It. There are things you can work out to still have contact with the baby, but let someone raise it who actually is capable and--[He stops himself with a pathetic noise and drops his head forward. He's never felt this hopeless.] We--we don't have to talk about this yet... there's other things that we... oh, God, we have to tell our parents and... Christ...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (3:37:21 AM) Do you know how much worse that is? Having to give them up over and over again? I can't, Logan, I can't-…I can't do something I know I'm going to regret for the rest of my life. I've spent all day trying to at least…at least think about it but I can't and-…fuck. I can't. [Parents are the furthest thing from her mind right now.] Yes, we do have to figure this out right now. We do. Don't you think our parents are going to know what we have planned when we tell them?
Logan Mitchell: (1:16:48 AM) Well, I don't know! [Logan's voice squeeks and he gets back to his feet, feeling overwhelmed again. He pulls on his hair and begins pacing, a skill he picked up from Kendall and he hopes maybe the action has some sort of magical powered indued in it that helps Kendall always come up with the answer the way he does.] I--I--I just--you can't expect me to come up with everything right now! This is so sudden, and I just--I need time to think, because I don't know what's going on or what's going to happen and--a-and I need time to think about this sort of thing! [As if Logan thinking about things has ever helped anyone ever.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:17:47 AM) That's fine. [She starts to gather the tests again, stuffing them in her bag.] You think. Do all the thinking you want. But I've told you what I want to do...
Logan Mitchell: (1:18:23 AM) [Logan stops, staring at her.] You--you aren't leaving, are you?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:18:56 AM) I thought you wanted time to think. [She drops the bag again, but stays where she's slid to the edge of the bed.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:21:43 AM) Well, I do, but... [He looks at her hopelessly, dropping his arms to his sides.] ...Sofie, what makes you think that we're even remotely capable of having a baby? That I'm... [capable of saying right here and now that he'll give up his whole future? Of course he needs time to think. It's not an easy decision, and Logan's never been good at making decisions anyway.] That I'm capable of being a--a dad? [The word comes like a whispered curse, making Logan swallow back another lump.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:25:04 AM) Well the fact that I'm knocked up right now speaks volumes of our capability. [She bites back, folding her arms.] No one is ever ready. Even parents who plan-…no one is ever ready. [Her Mom is pregnant with number 5 and even though she's pretty much got it down to a science now, she can still tell that sometimes her Mom is freaking out, though that may just be hormones.] I think you'd be a good Dad, Logan. You're probably way more equipped to be a parent than I am, actually...
Logan Mitchell: (1:27:50 AM) [He looks away, frowning. He's got to keep his voice down, because the first time he lets it get too high and loud--as he's prone to do when he's panicking--Logan knows his mom is going to be right up the stairs at his bedroom door.] I just... I don't see how I can be a... a parent [That word is weirdly easier to say than "dad," he finds.] and go to school, too...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:28:44 AM) People do it all the time…that's what daycare, online, night classes are for… [She's looking at her hands now, avoiding his eyes as well.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:32:41 AM) Yeah, because we can afford daycare. And it's a little looked down upon to get your doctorate in medicine online these days. Sofie, I could go to Harvard. Stanford, John Hopkins. I've been working since fourth grade for it and now I have my pick. And you expect me to decide right here and now not to pick any of them? That... I'm sorry, that isn't fair... [He wants to go back to his bed, to lay facedown in the pillow and smother himself. But he sits at his desk instead, his shoulders slumped forward as he examines his fingernails.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:34:26 AM) I'm not asking you to choose anything. I never said you had to choose anything, you're the one who brought up choices and telling our parents and what we were going to do. Go to Harvard! Go to Stanford! Go to John Hopkins, I never once told you that you couldn't!
Logan Mitchell: (1:39:12 AM) [And he's on his feet again, gesturing with his hands for the noise level to quiet with a fertive glance towards his door.] And what's going to happen if you have a baby and I leave for school in California? Then what happens? What happens to... to us?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:40:04 AM) What's going to happen if I have a baby or what's going to happen if I keep a baby? [She whispers, turning to look at him now.]
Logan Mitchell: (1:41:03 AM) [He meets her gaze, but has to look away after a second, dropping back down into his desk chair.] If you keep it... you and I both know you're having it...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:43:51 AM) You could-…it would be hard but we..we could do it, right? I'm not-…fuck. Logan. I can't make you choose. I would never ask you to choose. But you-…you have to offer me the same courtesy.
Logan Mitchell: (1:46:51 AM) [He huffs a humorless laugh, the prospect of leaving to another state to attend an ivy league school and still helping to raise a child seeming utterly ridiculous. He isn't willing to consider the reasons why, but he really doesn't think that would work, nor is he willing to try and think it out. He should, he knows... but a part of his stomach screams at him in fear not to.] Well, what's your plan, then, Sofie? After the day you've given yourself to come up with one. What do you think you're going to do?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:51:04 AM) Look, don't turn into an asshole. That's the last thing either of us needs right now. [She folds her arms.] I'm gonna defer my admission to OSU until next year. Stef's grandfather already said I could work full time during the summer, and I already do part time during the year, so if I work books through the pregnancy, that and part time should get me enough money to send the baby to my Mom's daycare once they're old enough…I won't be able to work for 3 months, but I think I'll be okay…next year, once I'm settled, I'll do online alternatives for my classes.
Logan Mitchell: (1:53:34 AM) All the while raising a child. Possibly [probably] while I'm in another state. [He leans forward on his knees, putting his forehead in his hands.] This is crazy... this is not happening... [He's trying not to slip back into denial, but he can't help it. That's what happens when your world crashes around you.] ...when are you telling your parents?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:54:19 AM) I don't know. [She shrugs.] Soon. I'll probably need to borrow my Mom's OB...
Logan Mitchell: (1:55:44 AM) Christ... [Logan breathes, shaking his head in his hands.] Bills... We haven't even talked about cost... [He has a lot of money saved for college--like he said, since the fourth grade--but... well, tuition at Harvard is well over 45k.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (1:57:45 AM) I'm still on my parents' insurance. It won't drop me until I'm…26, I believe. It won't cover the cost of the birth, of course, but…like I said. Working through the pregnancy.
Logan Mitchell: (1:59:43 AM) [He sits up.] Still, though. You think I'll let you pay for that entirely on your own? You think you can? I'd... be, like, the worst boyfriend in the entire world... Babies are expensive...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:01:01 AM) Seeing as how you haven't made your decision yet, yes, I'm planning to pay for it on my own. [She keeps her back to him, eyes on her lap.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:02:01 AM) ...I... don't know what to tell you, Sofe... I can't... not go to school... I just can't...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:02:16 AM) [She nods.] So then go to school.
Logan Mitchell: (2:02:51 AM) [He forces himself to keep looking at her.] And... us?
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:04:23 AM) I'm not going to force you to be a father. It won't do any of us any good. I can't ask you to commit yourself to something you don't want. [Her knuckles are turning white, she's fisting her hands so hard.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:07:36 AM) It's not that I don't want it, it's that--[He flounders for a second, then wraps his arms around his stomach, because he feels ill now.] I can't want it... I can't, because it--it ruins everything if I do... [He pauses, and he sort of hates himself right now, but he knows he can't not go to a good school. He has to be a doctor. He has to. Nothing else in the world has ever been as important to him.] I want to help you, though...
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:10:56 AM) Don't bother. [She grabs her bag, standing.] We'll be fine. [She still won't look at him, though the way her jaw is twitching makes it obvious that she's trying not to cry.] No use in making you care for a kid you don't-…can't-…same difference. Whatever. There's no point. You-…have fun in California or Massachussetts or whatever and I'll-…be here. Later. [She shoulders her bag, walking past him to the door.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:13:06 AM) Sofie, wait! Please! [He makes a grab for her hand, because he's going to hate himself when he lets her leave like this, when all he's gotten to do is prove himself as an ass and a coward. He just has so much to figure out and he can't possibly do it one evening, so he doesn't understand how Sofie can just decide to write him off in that same amount of time.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:15:10 AM) [She's not writing him off. Well. She is. But as of 10 hours ago, she was no longer her first priority. Logan was no longer her first priority. 10 hours ago, the peanut sized ball of cells taking up residence in her uterus became her priority and even though walking away from Logan hurts like nothing else, her child having a father that's not fully invested, that's only there because he feels obligated or is forced to be, isn't what's best for them.] What, Logan?
Logan Mitchell: (2:20:12 AM) [He looks helpless, like he might start crying again, but he doesn't want to, because he knows Sofie won't. It was rare enough that she was crying earlier, he doesn't expect her to cry for him. He opens his mouth, and he knows if he says what he wants to, he really will cry, so he says something else instead.] Let--let me drive you home. [He immediately regrets it and shuts his eyes, because he should have said what he actually meant--"I love you." He hates himself right now. So. Much.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:23:22 AM) [It's okay, Logan. She knows what you meant. But that doesn't make it any better.] It's not about us anymore. [She says softly. The "I love you too" is implied, but she still means exactly what she says. Because as much as she loves Logan, as much as he loves her, it's not about them anymore. Whether he doesn't want this or isn't letting himself want it, at the end of the day…he doesn't want it. And the last thing Sofie needs, the last thing this baby needs, is a father that will grow to resent them or someone who's only half-there…] I need the air. I'll be fine. [She opens the door then, descending the stairs slowly to make sure his mother isn't there and walking out the front door when she discovers that the living room is empty.]
Logan Mitchell: (2:27:35 AM) [Logan only follows her to the stairs, to ensure there's no interception from his mother. He's more than grateful to see her get out of the house safely without any parent interraction, but it hurts so much to see her go. Once she's gone, he goes back to his room, allowing himself to break again. He's sure to calm himself at least a little before he calls Kendall (although it doesn't matter, considering he begins sobbing again once he hears his friend's voice) and that night is spent in James' basement with his best friends and a lot of talking.]
GivemeEVOLemeviG: (2:29:03 AM) [Sofie sends Stef a simple text. He knows. We broke up. Then turns her phone off and shuts herself in her room. When her parents call for dinner, she tells them that she's got a headache and locks her bedroom door. She doesn't go to school the next day either.]